Ah, irrational hatred in the morning

Me (having a relatively skinny day, I think): Good morning!

Patient who instantly hates me for no clear reason: ::suspicious glare:: You pregnant?

Me: No, awkward ha ha, I just had a baby 7 weeks ago.

Full-of-hate: But you still got a bump like you pregnant.

Me: Okay. ::pointedly polite smile:: How can I help you today?

::Patient's friend enters the room:

FOH to friend: "This doctor isn't pregnant even though she got a tummy like she is."

Awesome.

It's all a matter of perspective

7:15am, first visit of the day at the peds urgent visit center. 17 year old male with no known medical problems.

Me: Hi! I'm Dr. Scopes. What brings you in today?

Him: So. . . ::dramatic sigh:: I'm trying to get it on with my lady last night and, I couldn't get it up for long enough.

Me: . . . . . Um. ::blink blink:: . . . . .

Him: Like she's hot and everything and it's all cool, but then when we go to do it, it just doesn't work any more.

Me: Well, we'll definitely try to help you out, but you know, this is the urgent visit center, it's really for people who are sick. You should probably talk to your regular doctor about this.

Him: Ma'am. It's an emergency to me.

Spelling 101

True baby name:

Lyllylla (I attempted to pronounce this as written and mom stared at me like I was a
block of cement. "It's Li-la." ::what's-wrong-with-you-glare::)

Bruklon (Mom: we just love New York.)

Teon and Tion (Twins! Pronunciation? Exactly the same.)

Sir Prince William (What do I even say when I enter the room? I said "William?" ::withering death stare from dad:: "It's Sir Prince. William's his middle name." My bad.)

Babyboy (A 32 year old. Legal name.)

Shocking

Scopes MD: So ma'am (stretching the term a bit), what makes your rectal pain worse?

Patient: When I wear a thong.