"Please gather around the giant penis"

These were our professor's opening words this afternoon. The penis in question turned out not to be giant after all, but it did have a giant hole in it for catheterization practice.

The rest of the day proved equal parts exciting and uncomfortable. We spent a few squeamish hours practicing IV insertion and blood-drawing on each other. My partner managed not to punch all the way through my vein this year, but it definitely took her a few more pokes than I would have preferred.

We also did more MEGACODE DRILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with "simulation man." Simulation man is the ultimate CPR dummy. He "talks" and "breathes" and you can feel his pulse. The TA couldn't quite figure out how to make him speak coherently, so a typical drill would start out with us entering the room to hear him coughing or making throwing up noises. Then he would say "I'm feeling really bad" or "Go away." Then we would examine him and find out that he was in Vfib, not breathing, and had no pulse (which probably explained why he was feeling really bad).

I managed to make an already uncomfortable day even more special when I attempted to find a femoral pulse down in the crease of Sim man's hip, and realized that he was very anatomically correct. I recognized this when I realized that what I had thought was the edge of Sim man's leg was . . umm. . not his leg at all. The entire rest of the class, of course, knew exactly what body part I was prodding a good three minutes before I did. I actually felt embarrassed for Sim man- I didn't mean to get so personal so fast.

Sim man, I'm very sorry. And I believe I owe you dinner.