Dear Luka,
You are not tied up because I don't love you. You are not tied up because you were a bad puppy or because you poop all over the rugs every month or so.
You are tied up because you have eaten, in the past six months, five pairs of underwear, three pens, two name tags, seven socks, an entire Princess Barbie plastic medical kit, and a plastic bag.
Now I don't mind that I am currently wearing emergency back-up underwear that I bought at the drug store; and while it's not my all-time favorite pastime, I don't even mind observing your. . . outputs to make sure that everything that goes in come out the other side.
But despite the fact that I have no randomized double-blind studies to confirm this, I have a strong clinical suspicion that not pooing out household objects is much better for your digestive system than pooing out household objects.
So you are tied up for your own good. Because I love you and your intestines. Please stop looking at me like that.
Love,
mommy
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