I'm sorry sir. . .

I seem to have forgotten my x-ray vision at home.

Me: Good morning Mr. Belligerent-Intoxicated-Patient, how can I help you today?

BIP (accompanied by a glare that nearly melted the lenses off my glasses): Are you even a real doctor?!? Or are you one of those student doctors?

Me (ta-da!): I am your real doctor.

BIP: Then you should be able to tell what's wrong with me!

End of interview.